【英検1級・準1級】英作文を添削し合うスレ

1 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/11/30(金) 01:56:24.90 ID:sZcGY6Fn0.net

なかったので立てました。

主旨
作文の練習と添削の練習。

作文が好きな人や苦手な人も切磋琢磨していきましょう!
・お題(Topic)もつけて投稿しましょう。
・スペルチェックは最低限やりましょう。
・自信がない人は日本語訳もつけてもいいと思います。
・添削のお礼は忘れずに。

※ここでの添削は必ず正しいとは限りませんので注意

37 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 17:43:46.54 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

>>36
ご丁寧に有難うございます。了解致しました!

15 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 02:49:31.32 ID:N8ABxhCK0.net

続き

Aging society may lead to the shortage of workforce, moreover,an inevitable problem that concerns about the medication for seniors.
→, and moreover an inevitable problem…とする。andが必要。

In fact, AI has been already introduced to help doctors analyze the points of diseases before surgeries at the major integrated hospitals in big cities.
→introduced以外にもdeployedもバリエーションとしては使える。
→pointは位置・場所という意味はないので、locationsやspotsを使う。disease, surgeryは一般化して複数形でなくてもいいと思う。

In aging society, AI may play a greater role as workforce in many industries, or as a main brain in medical scenes.
→ societyはここでは複数。a part of workforceとする。a main brainはあまり見ない表現なので a managerの方がいいかと思います。

According to these reasons stated above, it could be said that the time when AI replaces human labors will come eventially sooner or later.
→According to these reasons stated aboveは不自然だと思う。eventuallyのスペルミス。それにカンマが。eventually, sooner or later.

終わり

21 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:43:12.86 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

This trend may be expected to continue in the future.There are the following three reasons to support my opinion.

32 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 17:07:41.87 ID:+sck8zQ10.net

Good job。添削なかなか勉強になりました。また上達していると思うので、keep upしてください。

Online services for books and magazines have been prevalent today.
→オンラインサービスはbooks and magazinesの他にもあるので【他との対照のThe:ジーニアス辞書】としてThe online servicesとする。

Thoes are helpful for busy persons such as officeworkers or students who do not have enough time to read books.
→Thoseのスペルミス。

This trend may be expected to continue in the future.
→OK
There are the following three reasons to support my opinion.
→前回と同じ指摘、:(コロン)がベターかと。

To begin with, the online service could decline the cost in many cases.
→※注意:decline は自動詞の用法しかないので目的語the costをとれない。
The cost of online service could decline in many cases.が正解。

For instance, many who want to read books and magazines would have to purchase them at bookstores in a town in case of paper supplies,
→at a bookstore とし、in a townと統一。
in case of paper suppliesは不自然だと思うので、
For instance, many who want to read 【paper】 books and magazines would have to purchase them at bookstores in a town,

and publishers of books should usually use a huge amount of papers to print many books and magazines.
→publishers of booksは普通はthe book publishers。theは【他との対照のThe:ジーニアス辞書】他のnewspaper publishersなどと対称する。
should usuallyは主張したい主旨に関係ないので不要。and the book publishers use a huge amount of papers to print many books and magazines.

43 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/01/31(木) 07:06:10.37 ID:WQkXQfVLK.net

>>42
何か書いてみましょう!

5 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:18:12.85 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

for example,they have already been introduced to the automation systems in factories,or the medical analysis,public transportations and so on.That is that AI is remarkably indispensable for our lives in modern society.

34 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 17:09:30.22 ID:+sck8zQ10.net

続き

In general people may have to go to bookstores to buy books when they want to read them whether they were busy or not.
→OK
Furthermore, books are often bulky for people to bring along and keep them.
→OK
However, the online book service could solve these problems because of its convenience, paperless and quickness.
→paperlessness

According to these reasons, the online book service would have replaced them of paper supplies eventually in the future.
→the online book service would replace paper eventually in the future.

According to these reasons stated aboveは不自然だと思う。と前回言いましたが訂正します。すみません。

終わり

46 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/02/17(日) 15:54:36.77 ID:+a5IweKr0.net

I’m in thrill looking your description
>>41

4 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:17:23.93 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

In my opinion,I think the time when AI replaces human employees will come in the future.There are the following three reasons to support my opinion.
First of all,today,the technology around AI has been progressing remarkably.We can often see that a diversity of AI are used in many ways these days,

26 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:47:15.18 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

Moreover,so many offices,schools,hospitals,for example,usually discard a lot of papers.Paper garbages might be estimated to be an enormous amount of tons in the world.

33 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 17:08:53.21 ID:+sck8zQ10.net

続き

In addition, those book suppliers generally need lots of shops to have them sell their products.
→have them sell their productsはおかしい。単純にto sellにする。

On the other hand, the online service would not need the cost for both of them who demand and supply the service itself.
→オンラインサービスが電子ブックなのを想定しています。ネットショップという意味なら再度文を検討。
On the other hand, the e-books does not cost [ include ] a shipping fee.

Secondly, providing online services can reduce paper wastes in particular.
→waste
providing ebooks can reduce paper waste in particular.

Today, myriad of the printed have been dispensed every year.
→Today, myriad of the printed materials have been dispensed every year.

Moreover, so many offices, schools, hospitals, for example, usually discard a lot of papers.
→a lot of paper

Paper garbages might be estimated to be an enormous amount of tons in the world.
→The amount of waste paper is estimated to be enormous in the world.

That is, reducing paper wastes is becoming a severe problem environmentally in modern societies.
→紙くずを減らすことは深刻な問題ではないので、 becoming significant

Lastly,above all, the online service has an advantage in the sense of convenience.
→Lastly, the online service above all has an advantage in the sense of convenience.

44 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/02/15(金) 00:25:27.45 ID:i86low5I0.net

別に長くなくていいから、ジャパンタイムズのコンテンツブロックみたいに短めの思いを書いたら参考になると思うんよ

38 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 22:00:23.48 ID:DSn3LBab0.net

良スレ!

3 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:16:54.03 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

2018年度第3回英検1級ライティング予想問題
(Topic)
Will the time when AI replaces human
employees come in
the future?

17 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 11:36:19.11 ID:N8ABxhCK0.net

>>16
お粗末な添削でした
こちらも添削の練習になるので、またその気になったら投稿してください!

18 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:40:54.07 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

以前一度お世話になった者です。また一つ自分で作題・解答したものを貼ります。お手空きの時て結構ですのでお目通し頂けましたら幸いです。宜しくお願い致します。

27 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:48:35.26 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

That is,reducing paper wastes is becoming a severe problem environmentally in modern societies.

35 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 17:28:07.15 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

>>34
早々にレスポンス下さり有難うございます!本当に恐縮です。パラグラフごとにやって頂いて、本当にわかりやすく助かります。やはり奥が深いですね。試験まで気が抜けないです。これでサンプルが2つ頂けましたのでなんとか自力で頑張ります。有難うございました!

24 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:45:29.01 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

On the other hand,the online service would not need the cost for both of them who demand and supply the service itself.

45 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/02/15(金) 02:00:31.27 ID:Y4D4LG7ea.net

こ、これが1級レベルなのかorz
by準1級W15/16

40 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/28(金) 22:13:06.29 ID:9vrhYLNDK.net

>>39
素直ないい構成だと思う。あの試験時間の括りの中で書いたにしては充分だろ。そんでも6点は引かれんだな。

47 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/02/23(土) 14:57:09.71 ID:7CxUgoDj0.net

今回はスピーキング学習法を紹介しています。

★ 『DUO 3.0 /ザ・カード』は、スピーキングのトレーニングに使える ★

興味がある方は、以下のブログタイトルで検索をお願いします。

ガラパゴス English からの脱出!

54 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/03/24(日) 15:30:51.79 ID:4nxxcUP8d.net

こちらもお願いします。

Agree or disagree: Japan will benefit overall from hosting the 2020 Summer Olympics.

Hosting Olympics in your own country is a dream come true.
However, it has various negative impacts on both before and after the Olympics games.

First, since the 1960s, no nation has successfully stayed within budget for the overall preparation of the Olympics.
The initial estimated figures shown by the hosting municipal governments are often end up being fictitious minimum amounts, and people witness the cost overruns that are going beyond the initial budget.
Not only infrastructures but also security and logistics renovations are needed to accommodate tourists and athletes within the city.

Second, many of the specialized sports stadiums fell into disuse after the Olympics games.
Moreover, the regular maintenance costs these studiums entails thereafter give so much financial burden to the hosting city.
Building those structures in the middle of the city doesn’t make any business sense as it ruins the city’s maximum potential use of huge patches of land, and this in turn, affects the local economy negatively.

Third, some residents, if not many, need to be forcefully removed in securing the Olympics venues.
Take Brazil for example, there are many cases where local residents confront police forces, protesting that they don’t give up their land ownership for minimum compensation.
Also, the celebratory atmosphere in the city can lead to the deterioration of public security.

In conclusion, the disadvantages of hosting the Olympics clearly outweigh the advantages.
Varous economics consequences and inconvenience to local citizens are certainly best avoided.

9 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:25:20.81 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

problem that concerns about the medication for seniors.In fact,AI has been already introduced to help doctors analyze the points of diseases before surgeries at the major integrated hospitals in big cities.

2 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/11/30(金) 02:08:48.85 ID:sZcGY6Fn0.net

サンプル

【英検1級】
例題:
● Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
● Give THREE reasons to support your answer.
● Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion
● Suggested length: 200–240 words

TOPIC
Does the Japanese government have much control over the economy?

【英検準1級】
例題:
● Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
● Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
● Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion
● Suggested length: 120-150 words

TOPIC
Agree or disagree:
Teenagers should avoid using Social Networking Services

POINTS
● Safety
● Information literacy
● Education
● Personal relationships

42 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/01/30(水) 22:02:56.71 ID:CM3ZxGkfa.net

良スレ

14 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 02:48:12.61 ID:N8ABxhCK0.net

続き

For example, they have already been introduced to the automation systems in factories, or the medical analysis,public transportations and so on.
→orは不要。

That is that AI is remarkably indispensable for our lives in modern society.
→That is thatがおかしい。つまりと言いたいなら、That is (to say), とカンマで区切る。
→for our lives in modern societyがくどいので、for our modern livesなどにする。

In the aspects concerning with people’s life, in particular,human errors might cause magnificient accidents.
→In the aspects concerning people’s life でwith 不要です。human errors in particularの方がカンマが無くてすっきり。

In that sense, AI would be more reliable than human labors.
→一度区切る。
Furthermore, they can find those faults and prevent the accidents from happening.
→AIを受けるのでtheyでなくit. thoseだと何を指しているかわからないのでhuman faultsとする。

Last, the number of seniors is increasing rapidly in the world.
→has been とする。

20 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:42:15.86 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

Online services for books and magazines have been prevalent today.Thoes are helpful for busy persons such as officeworkers or students who do not have enough time to read books.

52 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/03/17(日) 05:46:25.73 ID:Tfa+igFUd.net

>>51
ありがとうございました!

25 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:46:00.78 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

Secondly,providing online services can reduce paper wastes in particular.Today,myriad of the printed have been dispensed every year.

48 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/03/09(土) 18:03:10.09 ID:WnG2kf0ed.net

添削よろしくお願いします。

Will free trade profit third world countries?

I think free trade can pave a way for the prosperity of third world countries.
I have two reasons to support my idea.

First, free trade means more business opportunities between the participant countries. This can lead to a creation of the huge job market. With the economy growing,
the government can expect higher amount of tax revenue which then can be spent to fulfill more welfare services to help the poor get out above the poverty line.
This can lead to fill the gap between the rich and poor, making the societies more equitable and comfortable for their citizens.

Second, free trade can help participant nations tie their relationships even stronger as well as those among private companies.
For example, free trade can act as a starter to set out new scientific projects,
where people from both public and private sectors cooperate to achieve various things such as exploring space and developing the cutting edge IT technologies.
This fact gives them an edge over other developed nations, possibly transforming their countries to join developed nations.

In conclusion, I think free trade is good for the developing countries.
We should do our share by supporting free trade movements in order to make the world a better place.

12 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:35:09.98 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

>>6
[AI is remarkably indispensable for our lives.]の一分が前節5番の最後の部分と重複して打ってしまいました。無いものとして下さい。

39 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/27(木) 23:40:22.23 ID:yRvUZrYBp.net

一応皆さんの目安になるかもと思ったので、
今年10月の英検1級で32点中26点(単語:6/8、文法:7/8、構成:6/8、内容:7/8)を取れた時の英作文を投下しますね↓

第1段落
There are so many people who say that a university degree in the humanities has lost its relevance in today’s society, but I disagree with this idea.
There are three reasons to support my idea.

第2段落
The first reason is that academic fields of humanities are the basis of our ways of thinking, even if we have already graduated from universities.
For example, studying philosophy often improves our skills of critical thinking, and comparing our culture with different cultures can make our views wide.
These facts must be the evidence that academic fields of humanities are useful for us, even in today’s society.

第3段落
The second reason is that academic fields of humanities are also the basis of other sciences.
For instance, history is the important aspect of examining economics, political science, and so on.
In addition, humanities often affect the way of comprehending sciences, such as physics and mathematics.
We can say that there are no sciences which are not related to humanities.

第4段落
The third reason is that, by studying humanities, we can become cultural people(←cultured peopleのミス).
We can easily be hired from corporations if we are cultural people.
That’s because corporations want to hire those people, and cultural people often give their corporations the new way of thinking. This will contribute to their company’s success.

第5段落
For these reasons, I believe that studying humanities must be important even in today’s world.

——————————

まあ↑で文法ミスとか単語ミスとか色々やらかしてる箇所もいくつかあるけど、
この程度の平凡な英語が書ければ英検1級でも充分合格点が取れるようです。(ちなみにCSEスコアは747だった)

10 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:26:42.43 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

In aging society,AI may play a greater role as workforce in many industries,or as a main brain in medical scenes.

41 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/01/04(金) 10:17:31.71 ID:M7p8XLHj0.net

I took a fancy to this thread

36 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 17:28:27.17 ID:+sck8zQ10.net

>>33
訂正
あとでネイティブに確認したところ
does not cost とはできませんでした。
charge か include は可能とのこと。

51 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/03/16(土) 22:36:40.91 ID:S34uC39Mr.net

One measure
→The first measure

two measuresがあると既に述べてしまっているので定冠詞が必要
(内容はこれから説明する場合でも)

oneとanotherをセットにして優先順位つけずに並べる方法もあると思うけど、
2つのパラグラフが離れすぎてるので、firstとsecondのセットにする方がお勧め
これだと3つ以上並べたいときにも使える

Another thing we can do is educate the public
→Another thing we can do is to educate the public (もしくはa social eduction activity)

Another thingを受ける言葉は少なくとも名詞形であって欲しい

内容の矛盾がどの程度の減点になるか知らないけど、
valuable wildernessが失われてるから、plant nursery treeしようって話は変だと思われる。
天然林と人工林の違い。日本はスギヒノキだらけにして天然林を壊した。

あとネイティブがエッセイとして学校とか資格試験で提出する文章は、
省略形使いまくって大丈夫だろうか。E-mail文とかを想定してるなら許されるかも知れないけど。
If succeeds → If it succeedsとか

Like those dinosaurs
→Like dinosaurs
何か事前に説明があればthose dinosaursで良いと思う。

31 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:56:34.97 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

折角前回ご指摘頂いたイントロの部分にまたthe followingを入れてしまいました。すみません。あとカンマは相変わらず不自然さがあるかと思います。突っ込み所満載の駄文で失礼致しました。

50 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/03/16(土) 21:58:51.89 ID:S34uC39Mr.net

the diversity of species is rapidly shrinking.
→the species diversity is being lost rapidly.

1.diversity of speciesでも正解だけど、species diversityという用語が定着してる
2.コロケーションの問題として、diversityがshringするという表現はまれ
3.rapidlyの位置を動詞の後ろに置いた方が、「急速に」種の多様性が減っていることが強調される

16 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 06:15:03.85 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

>>15
大変分かり易く適切ですね!修正後のを書き下ろして保存し今後の見本とさせて頂きます。助かります。有難うございました!

6 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:21:48.71 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

AI is remarkably indespensable for our lives.Secondly,human employees often make faults.In the aspects concerning with people’s life,in particular,human errors might cause magnificient accidents.

30 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:52:10.19 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

According to these reasons ,the online book service would have replaced them of paper supplies eventually in the future.

8 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:24:19.52 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

Lastly,the number of seniors is increasing rapidly in the world.Due to this trend,aging society is becoming a significant issue,particulary in Japan.Aging society may lead to the shortage of workforce,moreover,an inevitable

7 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:23:04.53 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

In that sense,AI would be more reliable than human labors,furthermore,they can find those faults and prevent the accidents from happening.

11 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 00:27:47.67 ID:g2Fn1RJ7K.net

According to these reasons stated above,it could be said that the time when AI replaces human labors will come eventially sooner or later.

28 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:49:54.64 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

Lastly,above all,the online service has an advantage in the sense of convenience.In general people may have to go to bookstores to buy books when they want to read them whether they were busy or not.

29 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:50:56.79 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

Furthermore,books are often bulky for people to bring along and keep them.However,the online book service could solve these problems because of its convenience,paperless and quickness.

19 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/08(土) 14:41:35.87 ID:dM0YEAmwK.net

2018年度第3回英検1級ライティング予想問題
(Topic)
Agree or disagree:
Paper books and magazines should be replaced completely by online services
(Predictable points/use 3 points)
・Cost
・Reduction of waste・Consumer’s preference
・Educational issue
・Convenience

53 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2019/03/23(土) 11:36:54.04 ID:HmoMNZlVd.net

よろしくお願いします。

Has a university degree in the humanities lost its relevance in today’s world?

In the age of technology-driven global societies, even mainstream educated people claim that humanities are a dying area of study.
However, humanities specialists are clearly necessary in the interest of deplomacic relations, sustainable innovations, and foundation of arts.

First, while the internet and other relevant technology have made the world smaller, our main focus now is to strengthen relationships with other nations and avoid any potential conflicts.
Humanities graduates has a strong command of language, as well as a wide range of world historical backgrounds, and cultures, all of which are useful in maintaining peaceful international relations.
Humanities scholars can also contribute by conducting the analysis of countries’ political situations and intentions.

Second, the rate at which the technological paradigm shift happens is increasing exponentially.
This means that we will be so dependent on inventions like sentient robots that we don’t even know what they are thinking.
How do these AIs act against the situation resemble to a trolley problem? Humanities experts can help solve these conundrums our technologies bring.

Third, many studies predict that, one day, we will be free from work due to the heavy automation process for productions and services.
The resurgence of Renaissance is sure to come.
Humanities will be a dominant feild of study. Humans focus to both create and preserve arts.
Degree holders in philosophy, religion, and literature will play a major role in creating meaningful online content. These movements will enrich our cultures.

In summary, humanities are not a study with no relevance. It will be a key source of our new wisdom and knowledge for years to come.

13 :名無しさん@英語勉強中 :2018/12/03(月) 02:47:25.50 ID:N8ABxhCK0.net

Good Joobだと思う。
内容はいいのでカンマの挿入が不自然だったり、文を無理に長くしているので気をつければいいと思います。

以下は添削。指摘があれば返信よろしくです。
※First of all と書くなら、2番目以降はSecond,・・・ Last,・・・に統一するべきだと思う。

There are the following three reasons to support my opinion.
→There are three reasons to support my opinion:

the following がくどいと思う。:(コロン)を付ければ同じ意味になる。
First of all,today,the technology around AI has been progressing remarkably.
→First of all, the technology around AI has been progressing remarkably today.
あとにtodayを持ってくるほうがすっきりしている。

We can often see that a diversity of AI are used in many ways these days,
→ We often see that a diversity of AI has been used in many ways these days.
文を一度区切る。canは不要。has beenとする。

シェアする

  • このエントリーをはてなブックマークに追加

フォローする